Q

2011-08-21T19:00:00.003+08:00

I wrote that letter thinking it'd help me get over you. Apparently, that isn't so. I haven't been able to think of anyone or anything else. Every single time I'm alone, you pop into my head doing something so sweet for me that I wonder how I had forgotten in the first place. The countless times we'd spent just sitting together and listening to the music we love while holding hands, my head resting on your shoulder would play in my head leaving me feeling more alone than I had ever felt. I've cried myself to sleep countless times with longing and loneliness. I've even dreamt of you and in those dreams, I knew it couldn't be real. That's why I wake up. I miss you terribly, you can't even imagine. And now I don't know what's going on between us. It's terribly painful when you're so distant despite your promise that you'd still be my closest friend.

I have no intention of finishing this. I'd cry too much.

Letter to a lover

2011-08-09T14:29:00.003+08:00

Dear Wen Jie,

It's been a month since you broke up with me. I still don't understand why but i accept that it's what you want and that there's nothing to be done to change your mind or your heart. I'm trying my best to get over it, over you. Often times i wonder how things would be if we had never started and if we had never parted. Would i be even lonelier than i am now? would i be happier? would things have spiraled out of control or would they have become easier to manage with you always by my side? The possibilities of 'what if' s are endless. Yet, i'm glad we had what we had and that every moment i had with you was meaningful and special. I wanna thank you for loving me the way you did and trying your best to make me happy. I hope you feel i did the same for you. I apologize for whatever emotional burden i had born upon you and the worry that resulted. You were my rock in a very trying time and i'm grateful to have had you. Hope you know that i'll always be here to do the same or at least try my best to, given how unstable i can be.

Obviously, i miss you and i honestly believe i still do love you. Maybe it's ebbing with everyday that passes *though i doubt it. How does one stop loving a boy she once gave her whole heart to? I wouldn't know. But now i always try and always fail at avoiding everything that has to do with you and what we were. I wanna be with you still but being around you hurts because the walls i once had around you came crashing down and in my grief, they were rebuilt with the same bricks and a poorer foundation. So maybe with the sharp-shooting of your words and deeds attacking the cracks, the walls keep tumbling down and get weaker and weaker every time. You know you've hurt me so many times yet you forget and keep doing it and i know i've been hurt by you so many times yet i never seem to get enough or learn. My foolishness kills me as does having to consciously keep my distance. The emotional attachment we had formed in such a short time is amazing. Perhaps it is exactly because i've lost this dependancy i had on you that causes me so much pain, the knowledge that i'm more alone.

You say that we don't have to be completely platonic, that we can still hold hands and that you'll kiss me properly next time. It's not that i don't want any of it, i'd give anything for your touch but it's just plain selfish of you to give me this little bit of hope that maybe you still love me and that we can still be together. Maybe it's presumptuous of me, maybe i'm wrong, but there's still that slim chance that i'm right. Giving you physical affection was my most honest means of showing you my love and when you reciprocated, it was always warm/hot and sticky sweet. Knowing this contact was always a genuine exchange between us, lustful though it may be, always filled me with this satisfaction that you needed me too and the need to be wanted, needed. You doing this just makes it all cheap, almost valueless and a little insincere. It'd be wrong to have that last kiss. Maybe when you're drunk and I'm exceptionally horny could we possibly have it.

Who knew writing a letter that you'd prolly never see could make me feel so much better? I honestly have no clue how to end this letter aside from the very basic thank you, i miss you, i love you and i'll see you, speak to you soon. Maybe *when i finally heal, we could be closer than before, just without the romantic complexities? idk. Life's riddled with ambiguity and you can trust that i'm doing my best to find my way. In the event that you do see this, let me know. I'll be expecting some sort of a reply.

Love,

Qistina

*After I wrote this, i realise that i'm starting to heal. I don't hurt so much anymore. I think you'll be glad to know. I still love you though but i think instead of ebbing away, it's just changing :)

Battered, bruised, broken.

2011-05-24T23:49:00.002+08:00

I'm not sure how I feel right now. I'm so frustrated and disappointed and confused and my soul is crushed. I'm starting to feel insecure again and inadequate and it seems like nothing has changed. I don't know what I'm expected to do, what I should do or how to take this even. We're supposed to choose groups for DEP GS and this goes up with us all the way to A levels and we discussed it 7-8 pm today and groups have already started forming/ formed. Yet, I haven't got one. I haven't even been asked. This always happens. ALWAYS. I'm the one left out, forgotten. When I try to improve myself and ask people what they think I should improve on, all I ever get is "You're really nice and friendly :)" That doesn't help me. Not in the least. Not one bit. I don't even know if you're just saying it or if you actually mean it. Drama kids are such good actors. I know there's something off and I know it's my fault but no one's telling me what I'm doing wrong. I always end-up feeling like this. My friendships are never actually real, close ones. I've never really bonded with anyone. Most of my friendships were that of convenience. And since they are so superficial, they break easily. Suddenly, they become awkward and silent. I've never been particularly good with people but I'm not stupid or slow. I get it when you don't like me even when you say it's untrue. But I can never see the truth behind people's actions. Rarely ever. I'm so paranoid about this that I'm always second-guessing myself and putting myself down. I want this to stop or I might snap. I should learn not to react. Respond but not to react.

Today

2011-04-22T21:56:00.002+08:00

Today was pretty eventful

Wen Jie came over to study and Niq and Tin were at Friday prayers. When they came back from prayers, a cat ran into the house and we spent 30mins getting it out of the house. Lol. It came back a couple more times. Then somebody stole WJ's shoes but he wasn't pissed about it. I love how he's so chill about things (L) and then he left and the three of us just drifted through time before ordering pizza for dinner from Pizza Hut which sucked by the way. It was cold and tasted funny so no point redeeming my free pizza with the black hot sticker. Never calling Pizza Hut ever again.

The cat's now outside the door. With friends. So Matin is basically trapped in here. lol. Gonna stone naozxz.

Cause my baby boy means so much~

2011-04-17T22:06:00.000+08:00

260

2011-03-27T14:11:00.002+08:00

My dear blog, I apologize for having neglected you all this while! :(

My dinner date with Wen Jie yesterday was amazing! Homg, that boy can do amazing things with his tongue, 'specially for someone with no experience. Lol.

DEP mono again.

2011-03-13T11:58:00.003+08:00

APHRODITE: So what’s this I hear, Selene—that you’ve taken to pausing the moon in the sky every night so you can gaze like a schoolgirl at this hunter, Endymion, while he sleeps? Sometimes, they say, you actually abandon your post and join him in his bed. Is this true? Yes, you can blame Eros, if you like. He's such a naughty boy, my son! He plays the same wicked games on his own mother, you know! First he smites me with an insatiable desire for Anchises of Troy, then before I can get my fill of that noble prince, he redirects my love pangs toward some Assyrian stripling or some Phoenician farm boy, and I’m off for Lebanon, Cyprus, Tripoli, like some crazed bitch in heat! It makes me dizzy! I can’t catch my breath! And worse, once I’m smitten, he doesn’t even leave the man to me, but makes some other goddess or mortal beauty in love with him as well, so that half the time I don’t get any satisfaction at all! It makes me so mad, I want to strangle the little devil! I’ve threatened to clip his wings and break all of his arrows—I’ve spanked his little bottom until I was blue in the face! He cries for a minute or two, promises never to do it again, and two seconds later he’s back to his games. But enough about me! I want to know about your new lover, Endymion! Is he handsome? Does he have fine, broad shoulders and a chiseled torso? That’s always a consolation in our humiliation—to have a strapping young warrior aroused to distraction by our charms. It certainly doesn’t hurt one’s ego.

In this scene, Aphrodite is having a conversation with Selene about the men have fallen in love with thanks to by Aphrodite's son, Eros, as well as the suffering they go through when they cannot have their man.

DEP MONOLOGUES

2011-03-12T00:39:00.002+08:00

Annie- Quilters by Molly Newman and Barbara Damashek

My ambition is to become a doctor like my father. I'm my father's girl. My greatest accomplishment was when I was ten years old and was successful in chopping off a chicken's head and then dressing it for a chicken dinner. My mother tries to make me do quilts all the time, but I don't want nothing to do with it. I told her, Never in my life will I stick my fingers 'till they bleed!. Very definitely. My sister Florry is a real good quilter, I guess. Mother says so all the time. Florry's favorite pattern is the Sunbonnet sue. Mother taught her how to do applique blocks and since then she’s made prob'ly a dozen Sunbonnet Sue quilts. You seen 'em, they're like little dolls turned sideways with big big sunbonnets on. Florry makes each one different. In one her little foot is turned this way or that, or she'll give her a parasol or turn the hat a little bit. People think they're soo cute. She made one for everyone in the family, so now there are little Sunbonnet Sue quilts all over the house. She made a couple of ‘em for her friends, and last spring when we all got promoted at school, she presented one to our teacher. I nearly died. And she's still at it! Let me tell you, she's driving me crazy with her Sunbonnet Sues. So I decided to make one quilt and give it to Florry. Like I said, I'm not such a good quilter as her, but I knew just what I wanted to do with this one. It's real small, twin bed size. I finished it and put it on her bed this morning, but I don't think she's seen it yet. I guess I do some new things with Sunbonnet Sue. I call it the Demise of Sunbonnet Sue. Each little block is different, just like Florry does it. I've got a block of her hanging, another one with a knife in her chest, eaten by a snake, eaten by a frog, struck by lightning, and burned up! I'm sorta proud of it. You should see it ...it turned out real good!

The “Quilters” are pioneer women who tell of their life experiences in the quest west. Ostensibly the story of a pioneer woman and her six daughters, QUILTERS blends a series of interrelated scenes into a rich mosaic which captures the sweep and beauty, the terror and joy, the harsh challenge and abiding rewards of frontier life. Illuminating stories contained in various patches or "blocks" with music, dance and drama, the action depicts the lot of women on the frontier: girlhood, marriage, childbirth, spinsterhood, twisters, fire, illness and death. But, with this, there is also love, warmth, rich and lively humor and the moving spectacle of simple human dignity and steadfastness in the face of adversity. In the end, when the various patches are assembled into one glorious, brilliantly colorful quilt, the effect is both breathtaking and magical—and a theatrical masterstroke which will linger in the mind and memory long after the house lights have dimmed. Here, Annie, tells about her attempts to resist the quilting chores.

2011-03-03T23:41:00.002+08:00

Me: Listening to Show Me How You Burlesque

Mop(crush): well i'm pretty sure know what i'm listening to beats that :D

Me: haha and what are you listening to?

Mop: justing timberlake WOOOO

Me: you bringing sexy back, yeah?

Mop: no im seeing us holding hands walking on the beach our toes in the sand

Me: AWWWWWW Y U SO QT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

MUCH NEEDED UPDATE

2011-03-01T01:11:00.002+08:00

So last week, a lot of stuff happened and you guys have been left out. Sorry. JC takes up A LOT of time. I has no life.

Monday, Sam's mom told me she wanted Sam and me to never see or hear from each other. You can imagine the funk I was in.

Tuesday, life went on.

Wednesday, I started getting over it. I had to.

Thursday, start crushing on someone new.

Friday, observe and try to talk to crush.

Saturday and Sunday, converse with crush a lot on FB.

Monday night, have an immensely long fbchat with crush and discovering how sweet and sensitive he is along with how awesome his taste in music is.

Tomorrow is our kinda class outing and we will be ice skating. Making it a point to stick to him. Going to school with him (and Amanda, Joel and Jazz too). I could just DIE :DDDD

A week's gone so quickly

2011-02-19T18:52:00.002+08:00

OH DEAR GOD. The year is actually beginning. My schedule's so hectic and I just wanna die! Except Wednesdays, I finish every fricking day at 4.30pm. KMN lah, please. Plus, there are so many people I miss being with: My OG-mates, Liana, Kelly, Pearl, the other half of DEP, my LD Juniors and Sammy.

Did I mention Sam sprained his ankle? And the genius puts himself through so much more pain and doesn't bother taking his painkillers. I worry everyday about that boy! Heart pain, y'know! If only I could be with him :( I'd take care of him as best I could. I love him so much.

I need to meet up with everybody soon! My life is so empty now and adjusting to everything and the process of making friends all over again is sucking all the energy out of my petite, fragile frame.

Happy Valentine's Day :)

2011-02-14T20:37:00.002+08:00

Had a date with Sam today :D

He was damn cute, wrote me a letter and everything. He was so shy, he didn't want to give it to me till I was gonna go home so he wouldn't turn beet red ♥

Cutie patutti.

We didn't do much but spending time with him was worthwhile.

I LOVE YOU, SAMMY ♥♥♥

SAMUEL,

2011-02-14T00:13:00.002+08:00

YOU ARE SUCH A CUTIE!
Ask me to be your valentine all.
:$$$

I can't wait to see you tomorrow! 5 days seem so long! Haha.

I LOVE YOU, BABY.

15 HOURS TILL I SEE YOU AGAIN<3333333 >

SAMMY ♥

2011-02-12T23:52:00.001+08:00

DO YOU REMEMBER THIS SONG?

2011-02-12T18:43:00.000+08:00

Burnin'/Too Long

2011-02-10T21:40:00.003+08:00

Boyfriend, your parents should return you your phone so your heart doesn't break from missing me so much (my ego, omg) and so mine doesn't for the same reason. I LOVE YOU, BABY!

Also,

SHOUT OUT TO YOU, NASRI DEMETRIUS SADI! Cause you're reading my bloggg! HAHAHA SUP, SUP!

Anyway,

I'm pretty happy in school so far :) Aside from the fact that I've been going home on my own due to special circumstances which I am in no mood to explain. Lectures have been pretty bearable since we haven't really started on much. I can't wait for movement and voice lab to start for DEP and ACSian Theatre to begin. I am pretty excited about how the year will unfold. Let's hope I enjoy the ride.

Every time I go to school on my own, I get to enjoy a lovely morning run; I have to run from the mrt station to school so I won't get locked out of the hall. This basically means that I can't leave the house at 6.30 anymore except on Tuesdays when school begins at 8.10. I have to sleep before 11 in order to get up by 5 and leave at 6. Not impossible, just extremely difficult.

Mon amour, Je t'aime.

2011-02-06T00:59:00.002+08:00

Samuel, tu es mon amour.

Le seul garçon que je vais aimer;

La seule que je veux être avec.

Je veux que vous soyez heureux

Et j'espère que vous ne serez jamais seul.

Je serai toujours là pour vous.

Mon amour ne s'effacera jamais.

Samuel, you are my love.

The only boy I'll love;

The only one I want to be with.

I want you to be happy

And I hope you'll never be alone.

I'm here for you.

My love will never fade.

SUNSHINE

2011-02-05T15:30:00.003+08:00

Baby, you are nothing less than perfect to me. Haters gonna hate but I'm always here :) Cheer up, Sunshine. I LOVE YOU no matter what and nothing can change that, I promise.

CAMPFIRE

2011-02-01T23:38:00.002+08:00

Campfire today was insanely fun, zomg! But now my throat hurts like crazy and I'm dead tired. Still a little hyped up though. My body's ache from the excessive jumping/flailing/fist-pumping-crazy training... YEAH. BUT IT WAS STILL SUPER FUN!!! Pictures are up on fb cause I'm too lazy to post any so... :/

Peace outttt. MYKA~

Samuel Jacob Khoo,

2011-01-31T22:52:00.003+08:00

SAMMY!

I LOVE YOU!

It's breaking my heart seeing you so sad

and I hope you remember how much I love you

and get cheered up instantly.

Otherwise, come here and read this:

YOU ARE MY SUNSHINE

MY ONLY SUNSHINE

YOU MAKE ME HAPPY WHEN THE SKIES ARE GREY

YOU'LL NEVER KNOW, DEAR,

HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU

SO PLESE DON'T TAKE MY SUNSHINE AWAY.

♥♥♥

2011-01-30T09:26:00.002+08:00

GOING OUT WITH SAM TODAY :DDDD

I'm so excited for that! Haha, I can't wait to finally meet my boy (L) I'm gonna post some pics here later Which reminds me, I need to pack my camera.

Anyway, I haven't updated this thing the past 3 days cause school started and orientation ends pretty late so I've been home too late and am too tired to update. Uhm, Shimona and Ying are now already in Australia, Bellaret and Sydney respectively. I'll be praying that God keeps them safe and healthy each and everyday. I miss them but they'll be back to visit soon enough so I'm not so worried :)

:)

2011-01-26T20:22:00.002+08:00

I'm pretty stoked for tomorrow! New school, new people (mostly) and hopefully a new start. My ogl sounds fairly nice so I'm not too nervous. Plus, I'll have Kylie and Saira and Kelly in school with me :)

I can't wait for CNY to come 'round. My first date with Sam and I'm pretty excited to finally meet this amazing boy :) My boy, Sam :D Sam, I know you're reading this so HELLO STRANGER! I CAN'T WAIT TO MEET YOU :) Have you studied geog yet, babe? Haha.

So you can tell that I'm obviously really happy right now and I think I will be for a while :) 2011's starting out pretty well :)

Paix (L)

FUCK YEA!

2011-01-26T07:15:00.005+08:00

MOE: NUR QISTINA BINTE ABDUL WAHID, you are posted to ANGLO-CHINESE JC, SCIENCE (22S) under 2011 JAE. Pl report to JC/MI on 27 Jan 11 at 07:30am.

AHFIULGDVBAF:QIOUNFIOGFQHNEFUOIGNKHKDSJGFBYQVTGFBDNFJQHEGFBGNMADFHQU!!!!

This years is starting out pretty well :) I got great results, landed an amazing guy and got posted to the school of my choice- the school of my DREAMS. I'm very very very thankful <3

I go to bed thinking of you (L)

2011-01-25T18:05:00.002+08:00

I haven't written a proper poem in a while. I think I've lost my poem-power since leaving school :/ Which makes me sad cause I feel like writing one now.

Todo el mundo va buscando ese lugar

2011-01-24T21:03:00.001+08:00

Yo canto para ti.

2011-01-23T23:46:00.002+08:00

Shit. I think I'm falling too hard and too fast. I need to slow down a bit. Just a little. Damnit. I can't stop smiling like an idiot which is exactly what I am right now. My heart needs to stop beating so fast.

Shit, Sam. See what you do to me?

New and Improved.

2011-01-23T23:40:00.000+08:00

BAH BAH BLACK SHEEP
HAVE YOU ANY WOOL?

YES SIR

YES SIR

THREE BAGS FULL

ONE FOR MY MASTER

ONE FOR MY DAME

ONE FOR THIS BOY HERE WHO DRIVES ME INSANE <3

2011-01-23T21:25:00.002+08:00

MARIA!

if you just so happen to be trolling my blogger, I hope you're not mad at me. Sorry :(

Please, text me if you see this and tell me what ever you want to say to me (if you have anything to say).

I love this cover even though people tell me it's annoying.

2011-01-23T21:24:00.000+08:00

I'm starting to really like a boy I've barely met and barely know.

2011-01-21T15:35:00.002+08:00

Samuel Jacob Khoo, you make me hot as fck and I don't even know you that well. All we've done is text and for some reason, I like you a lot, a whole damn lot. I don't even know if you really like me or... I don't know. All I want, atm, is to finally meet you and move on from there.

(L) U GUYS.

2011-01-17T14:58:00.000+08:00

I LOVE THIS SONG!

I LAUGHED LIKE CRAZY, I LOVE LUAN

2011-01-12T23:32:00.000+08:00

I should've posted this yesterday but :/

2011-01-11T10:47:00.001+08:00

So O level results are out...

And it's safe to say that I did pretty well. I suppose, not as well as I had intended but it's still good nonetheless.

I don't know how I did it but I did and 8 points is rather satisfying. All thanks to Him and I don't mean to sound ungrateful

but I don't think I deserve what I got. I did party and slack quite a bit this year and especially during the O level period itself.

To be fair, I did put in effort and I do have some smarts. It worked out. I'm just a little weirded out by my results.

Here's a break down of what I got:

English- A1 (Thank God, I was desperately counting on this)

English Lit- A1 (BY SOME GOD-GIVEN MIRACLE, given how I always get C5/6 for lit :/)

Combined Humanities (SS/Geog)- A2 ( ANOTHER GOD-GIVEN MIRACLE since I have never passed that damned subject the whole time I've been taking it)

Math- A1 (As expected, Praise God)

A Math- A1 (Again, as expected so Praise be to Him)

Physics- B3 (This was disappointing, considering how I usually always get A1s for physics and was banking on getting A1 again:/ but it's his plan so Praise God)

Chemistry- A2 (THANK GOD because I was seriously stressed for this :/ I dropped to C5 for prelims and getting my distinction back was pretty satisfying)

Drama- B3 (Wasn't as good as I hoped it would be but then again, I'm not that great an actress. Thanks to Him for giving me a reasonable grade anyway :))

Higher Malay- D7 (Now, I thought that I might AT LEAST get a C6 but I didn't. I failed and I think it's His way of telling me that I shouldn't be so quick to give up my mother tongue)

I got a C5 for normal malay te year before so :/

I'm grateful for my grades (haha, gradeful ^^)

To all my friends who didn't get what they wanted (in a bad way), be at peace and trust in Him. His plans for us are bigger than we can comprehend. Make the best of what we have.

Be grateful that you're still living and breathing and being with the ones you love because every day you get is another chance to be better.

I sound so holy moly here and I appologise if it's a little hypocritical of me. I'm just really grateful that he hasn't forgotten me or left me alone and astray.

Inspired by Kelly, I wrote some haikus for those who are feeling depressed and need some one there for them, you guys always have me ^^

Got what I needed,

It was just what I deserved,

I'm really thankful.

Do not be afraid,

you will always have a friend

in me, I love you :)

I am here for you,

We will journey .

Please, trust in me, friend.

It's only been three days.

2011-01-07T16:02:00.003+08:00

Three days since I re-discovered The Used's Empty With You. I love the song because I can totally relate to the lyrics. That and it's good music. The only downside of repeatedly listening to this one song is the loneliness that's beginning to sink in. First day of January and I finally got over the break up and him but now, no one lives in my heart any more. Sure, I love my family and my friends but ever since puberty, this will sound really weird/horny/pathetic/idek, I've never not had a crush on anyone. Knowing myself, I don't get attached to any famous person just because they're insanely good-looking. Yeah, Cole Mohr is super hot and has a great body. I just don't see myself as "Mrs. Cole Mohr", y'know? So now I'm walking with a massive void in me.

***

I'm feeling guilty cause I haven't been playing on my bass for a while. I played with it a little this morning but it's not enough. I don't really have any mood to do much anymore so all I'm doing is listening to Empty With You and reading the marginally sad and depressing stories I picked up at the library on Tuesday. I'm in a funk and this soul-sucking air needs to be cleared. Only the forecast suggests it could get worse; results on Monday and as Idris puts it, "a slip of paper so powerful it can bring great joy or great depression." I just hope I DON'T sink into depression which is something that will fairly likely happen because there is so much pressure for me to do well. Believing and knowing I can do it is one thing, actually succeeding is another. This fragile heart scares easily but I'm gonna comfort myself knowing that despite everything that happens Aal Izz Well.

"I haven't lost anything except my mind...

I haven't wasted a thing except my time...

&I could be right here empty with you...

Let's twist the knife till they can't stop bleeding."

I'm a statue, baby. Knock me out!

2011-01-06T19:59:00.002+08:00

Yeesterday was pretty darn awesome! I went reverse bungee-ing at Clarke Quay with Tharanii, Ping En and Shi Pei. It was a random group of people but I had a good time :) Oh the adrenaline I felt after the ride was exhilarating if i had the guts to go again, I would. I was a little dizzy after that and I had a pretty bad headache and wanted to puke before bed but it was still an enjoyable experience, some what. Haha.

TODAY was the best post-O's day I've ever had, apart from ice-skating for the first time on my birthday. We had a Bollywood Movie Marathon at Saira's house, the 5/6 of Rarinina. Shim had a wedding thing so she couldn't make it :( but it was still pretty fun :D We watched 3 Idiots, which Ying had apparently watched 4 times before, American Desi, which was pretty funny and I knew I was going to enjoy because my song was playing and Kal Penn was acting (hehe), Singh Is Kinng, just for the soundtrack, and Chak De India, which we all thoroughly enjoyed being the feminists we are. Haha. It was Indian themed and Saira gave us a set of bangles and a bhindi each which we had to wear the moment we stepped into her house, haha. It was fun getting into the spirit of things. We even ordered tandoori chicken pizza for lunch! Saira's grandma fried up some samosas which were mighty tasty though a tad spicy for me for some reason. Being Indian, she fried up damn a lot of samosas which we obviously couldn't finish, lmao. We laughed a lot and I was more care-free than I had been in a long while. I'm glad we had this day to spend together especially since Ying and Shim will be leaving for Australia soon :( Good times. Too bad no one had a camera :((

In case you were wondering, this is my song:

Millionaires- Alcohol

2011-01-02T13:01:00.002+08:00

Everytime I'm at the bar, you wanna pay.

Go ahead, buy me a drink.

You won't get laid.

Come get fuct up!

Gimme my alcohol.

Let's get fuct up!

A-L-C-O-H-O-L

What's up?

2011-01-02T02:30:00.002+08:00

I'm watching the tape of Friday Night Smack Down for New Year's Eve. I'm excited for the tag-team match. Haha. Edge + Rey Mysterio is gna be AWESOME :DD The only thing I like about Alberto Del Rio are the cars he enters with. Haha. Can you imagine being ref when Kane's in the ring? Freaky.

***

Okay, I'm also simultaneously watching the Arsenal match :D The commentator is American, not English... weird. Haha. I never get to see them score :( I feel like that character Keanu Reeves played in that movie where he taught ghetto kids baseball. D':

OH! OH! THEY SCORED, FYEAHNASRI :D

Wilshere, your leg okay, yeah?

I want to learn an Arsenal song/cheer leh. haha

OMG, WILSHERE WEARS 19 ON HIS 19TH BIRTHDAY. My sister turned 19 on the 19th. so cool.

3-0 to Arsenal (Y) one guy just shouted "OWN GOAL" in the background. What a bastard, ahahahahahahahahahahahahah

Birmingham's manager shouting instructions while sounding like a choking seal...

YEAH ARSHAVIN AND DENILSON ARE PLAYING :D

Poor Wilshere won't get to bag a birthday goal.

Arshavin has nice hair, hahaha. My post isn't going to be very cohesive so if you're reading, I do appologise.

Haha "Fabregas is a World Cup winner already!" They were talking about how Fabby already has 200 PL appearances as of today, at only 23.

FUCK YEAH 3-0 :DDDDD

I gave up on wrestling, too tired. G'night bitches :D

2010-12-31T00:49:00.003+08:00

My picture step cute only, haha, but I wanted to see what my bun looked like. It looks big but I don't have that much hair, really. I should get it from another angle though...

see what I mean by big? Haha. I like it though. I now have a new hairstyle for school next year :D

MONDAY. (this is redundant since the time, day and date is already there but,)

2010-12-27T10:36:00.003+08:00

MALAYSIA

Watched rugby till late this morning, round 'bout 0032. OWEN FARRELL IS WAYY HOT. Haha and then I went to bed. I woke up at 5.43 (i know cause i checked the cable box) cause i was having fits of coughing and i was wheezing/gasping for breath. It was really bad cause i couldn'tconcern until i was hit by sudden hacking coughs. He was like," Qistina, WHAT IS WRONG breathe when lying down and I was still tired so i didn't know what to do. Thinking that maybe if i watch a little tv, i'd drift back to sleep, i did only it did no good. My brother woke up and was like WTF Is up with you? so i wheezed back sick. My dad came out and showed no sign ofWITH YOU?" but it wasn't concerned at all. It's tone was more like "why the fuck are you coughing so loudly so early in the morning?" Then he went back to watching the reviews of last night's premier league matches. Then my mum came out and i was like," MUM *coughcoughwheezewheeze* I....CAN'T...............breatheproperly.....heeehooooheeehooo" Thank God for my mum who actually cared. She told me to sit up and prop my legs up. Only cause she scolded him, my dad got up and massaged/squeezed my toes, which hurt... He was like "This is all because you don't sleep enough." Pretty rich coming from the man who says I sleep too much and who makes me get up at 9/10 AM when I fall asleep at 1/2/3/4AM the same morning.

Everyone got up, bathed, cleaned up the mess and we left for Singapore.

SINGAPORE

Went to the clinic and found out it was bronchitis, since I have no history of asthma, only almost-bronchitis. Got my medication- I got that puff thing which I've never used before and was kinda cool. Took it alr, had breakfast, fb'd, blogging now and then going to sleep. So g'night y'all.

We are not in love. Merry T-mas!

2010-12-24T23:18:00.003+08:00

I miss a lot of things right now. But life's been good. It's Christmas already and the year has almost gone. All that time lost. But nothing is wasted, if you can still change it. And you know what they say: A new year, a new beginning. I don't want to begin again so I'll just keep building 'cause you can't really begin again. Time waits for no man, what's done is done. Life will go on, we'll keep making mistakes and when we right them, we'll be successful. We'll be better. Life will go on and I choose to move with it. The past will always be the past. The past has always been. The future is yet to be but it's already you're own. I sound like a crackpot.

Though I don't celebrate it, Merry T-mas everyone :)

2010-12-24T12:42:00.001+08:00

cause when you have a private beach, the only logical thing to do is skinny-dipping with your super hot next-door neighbour.

2010-12-24T00:04:00.000+08:00

I want to hold you and smother you with kisses.

2010-12-23T04:30:00.001+08:00

i know why i feel this way and i want it to fucking stop. now.

This post was meant for tumblr but there's a sexy brit guy following me and I got shy...

2010-12-23T00:28:00.003+08:00

I spasmed when my phone rang and pressed the enter key on accident so the post published itself. -.-

Today was awesome. I've been saying that about most days the past week but honestly, it's been awesome. Went over to my cousin's place where we played GH: Warriors of Rock (they only let me do vocals though my singing voice is shit cause the boys want to play guitar and drums), foosball and monopoly deal while sipping on coke or beer (non-alcoholic cause I'm muslim and so can't consume alcohol) Haha. My sister keeps telling me I'm gonna get a beer gut but it doesn't matter cause I'm fat already. :(( The bitch. IF YOU'RE ON TUMBLR @effyeahnurul, I HOPE YOU SEE THIS! But I love her, given that she is my sister and has done some good stuff for me despite the fact that she is a bitch. Okay, now I'm being a bitch.

I watched American Pie: Band Camp, Youth In Revolt and Fired Up today. These movies were all about sex and had loads of titties which kinda grossed me out a bit. I've never seen anyone else's. Otherwise, they weren't bad movies.

I can't wait to meet @notulysses(Liana) and @heartsneverlie (Nicolette) for a late lunch/early dinner tomorrow before Nic goes off to work and Liana for a concert. I'm gonna make Nic serve me fro-yo! Hahaha, cause that's what her job is.

Get ready with the war cry; Let me hear you scream.

2010-12-21T18:22:00.005+08:00

Today was another pretty good day. Went for a late lunch with Kylie and Tasha (L) They gave me freebies- much obliged, beetches. I've missed my DEP beetches so lunch with the two of them (1/4 of DEP '10) was awesome. I miss school now.

OMG, i saw a rat's carcass on the sidewalk along Orchard Road, the crossing near Paragon. OMG, freeaaaaaakkyyyyyyyyyyyyyy shizzzzz. *shivers* It was half decayed and completely flattened, you could see the inch-long teeth on that thing. Yuck, yuck, yuck.

On a lighter note, I LOVE THE NEW OZZY OSBOURNE ALBUM. SCREAM IS AN AWESOME RECORD. The guitar riffs and bass lines, drum beats and lyrics make me want to mosh 24/7. Hahahaha. You can be sure it is all I'm ever gonna listen to for a while.

If you're gonna go down, go loud, go strong, go proud, go on, go hard or go home,

Let me hear you scream!

Happy 19th Birthday to the sis.

2010-12-19T22:32:00.002+08:00

Today was a pretty good day. Went swimming in the morning then had lunch at CPK followed by the devouring of an Awfully Chocolate Super Stacked Cake in celebration of Nurul's 19th birthday today. After, Niq and I went over to the cousin's to play GH Warriors of Rock. Haha, Mike served us non-alcoholic beer (I got 2 cans of Bavaria while Aniq got the lame Bir Bintang. hahahahaha) I had to a shot of lemon syrup to my second can cause it was pure malt and had an insanely bitter aftertaste. RYAN CANNOT SING, OH MY GOD! AAHAHAHAHAHA, it was effing funny. I swear I've never laughed so hard in my life before spending time at their house. <3<3<3

I am finally back.

2010-12-17T14:30:00.002+08:00

I tried tuning my bass. Dear God, what a disasterrr. I totally messed it up and now my bass is out of tune... Okay, tad of an understatement- It is INSANELY out of tune. This means I can't play it until tmr when my cousin is coming over to help me. I got a book called All About Bass which teaches you the basics of bass playing. I was looking for the Dummy's or Idiot's guide but I couldn't find either version and this was the cheapest. It's a tab confusing, especially since I am a total noob whose music education is close to zero (I can still play the damned recorder but I can't sing Do-re-mi correctly, neither can I read sheet music despite the 6-year struggle in primary school). Do you get a picture of how bad I'm sinking?

In the meanwhile, I'm listening to RHCP cause Flea is an amazing bassist. Seriously. Whenever I listen to Give It Away, my mind is blown (to smithereens). He is THAT awesome. Safe to say that Flea is my idol, at least when it comes to bass playing.

I don't ever want to feel like I did that day.
Take me to the place I love, take me all the way.

I'm in Malaysia, bitches :D

2010-12-15T21:14:00.003+08:00

Thank God for WiFi and my sister's MacBook. Haha, I'm surviving :)

We were s'posed to go into KL tomoz but something's up with the car and my dad doesn't want to take the risk of it possibly breaking down in the middle of Malaysia. Uncle Rafik and fam were s'posed to go into M'sia tomoz as well but apparently he couldn't get a room till Friday. We were supposed to meet up tomorrow in KL but now, not anymore. Thank God. I wouldn't be able to take seeing Adri.

JIMP

2010-12-03T19:02:00.001+08:00

The first time I fell, I laughed like crazy then asked NicKoh to take this pic :p

Ice skating was insanely fun. I fell on my ass twice and all the other times on my knees. Liana and Nick were always holding my hands then everybody decided not to hold me but let me skate on my own. It was thrilling going fast on the slippery ice but your heart skips beats when you feel like you might just fall over. I'll add pics to this later, when I get home cause I'm on the train home typing this out. Haha. Only at YCK :/ There were figure skaters there training, little girls in their skates and skirts and tights. Their pirouettes and twirls were amazing. The grace with which they moved was incredible. How they were able to move on the ice swiftly with such elegance is beyond me. I think I'm gonna start watching figure skating. I love you guys for making me feel special and appreciated <3<3<3 YOU GUYS MAKE ME FULL :D

Paix <3

FUCK YES!

2010-12-03T10:39:00.002+08:00

I'M SIXTEEN BITCHES :DD

I CAN GO UNDERAGED CLUBBING

I CAN WATCH NC16 MOVIES IN THE CINEMA

I AM 2 YEARS AWAY FROM FULL-FLEDGE CLUBBING

2 YEARS AWAY FROM UNI

TODAY, I'M GOING ICE SKATING :DDDDDD

I'll post the pics up laterrr <3

2010-12-02T22:02:00.001+08:00

OH MY GOD. I AM SO FULL. ALL THE GOOD FOOD IN MY BELLY, I COULD MERLION.
My parents gave me $200 as my present. So much money D:

Very thankful for today.

OH NO!

2010-12-02T15:40:00.003+08:00

PORTA PORTA TONIGHT!

I love the italian food there! Hahaha. I can't wait to sink my teeth into the delicioso (wait, that's spanish) and really tender roast lamb and the fantastic pastas and desserts. I will definitely have my usual :D

afgakjfgasgfo;ragovashviohwrgh;agh I'm almost 16!

Oh nostalgia, I don't need you anymore

2010-12-02T10:54:00.002+08:00

I love Patrick Stump. He's an amazing musician, insanely creative and a lyrical genius. He's hot too. Haha. I started listening to Patrick's wonderful voice when Fall Out Boy was first introduced in Singapore with the single Sugar We're Going Down. I fell in love. Haha. I can't wait for his first solo album. I'm willing to bet it'll knock everyone's socks off. Take a listen to this:

2010-11-30T22:10:00.002+08:00

Her voice is AH-MAYYY-ZING!

And doesn't the song ring sweet memories?

Hit me with lightning.

2010-11-30T21:49:00.002+08:00

I love this song. It's even better in a DnB remix. Haha.

Next thing, we're touching.

2010-11-28T22:15:00.000+08:00

I love my new bb ^^

I wish you were here
With me as I lay to sleep
I miss your warm touch

My body clock is very screwed, I know.

2010-11-24T01:17:00.004+08:00

My roomies <3>

I just felt like putting something up cause this feels so barren and I, so empty. I'm bored and life no longer has structure and its usual rigidity which makes me feel so lost. I've spent so much time studying (hah!) and now that I am without it, everything I do seems meaningless, devoid of any actual impact on the course of my life. How... pitiful.

ON THE BRIGHT SIDE, MY SOCIAL CALENDER IS COMING ALIVE! I've got the class party tmr (Thursday, considering how it is already Wednesday.) and I'm going ICE SKATING ON MY BIRTHDAY with a dinner at Porta Porta the night before <3

Boy do I sound schizophrenic. I love that word. Schizophrenic. Very nice word to spell, that is.

2010-11-23T00:44:00.002+08:00

I haven't blogged in a while. A big change from last time when I used to blog obsessively, compulsively.

I've been feeling pretty lonely lately, the "I'm single again, have been for a while but still can't get my mind over him" kind of lonliness, which sucks to no end. I don't want a rebound guy to take my mind off of him because that wouldn't be unfair to the new one and I don't think I can land one right now, even if I wanted to. Haha. I don't get why I still like him. There were a lot of things I loved about him but essentially, I loved him. I wanted to be with him every second of the day if he'd have me because I felt sick without him. That's how I feel now. (Also, partially because I am ill.)

HEART, PLEASE STOP HURTING. BRAIN STOP THINKING ABOUT HIM.

2010-11-06T21:39:00.003+08:00

2010-11-06T21:39:00.001+08:00

2010-11-06T18:23:00.002+08:00

Life is so boring now. Sigh. I want to love you but I have this feeling I actually don't anymore. This is supposed to be a good thing. But it doesn't feel good. Heart, Y U SO ANNOYING?

It's almost over.

2010-11-02T21:24:00.001+08:00

2010-10-31T12:31:00.001+08:00

I'm still angry. Very, very angry.

To Helen by Edgar Allan Poe (1831)

2010-10-30T16:03:00.000+08:00

Helen, thy beauty is to me
Like those Nicean barks of yore,
That gently, o'er a perfum'd sea,
The weary way-worn wanderer bore
To his own native shore.

On desperate seas long wont to roam,
Thy hyacinth hair, thy classic face,
Thy Naiad airs have brought me home
To the beauty of fair Greece,
And the grandeur of old Rome.

Lo ! in that little window-niche
How statue-like I see thee stand!
The folded scroll within thy hand —
A Psyche from the regions which
Are Holy land !

I love this song. It empowers. Ahahaha.

2010-10-30T15:05:00.000+08:00

Two 'Undredth post, innit?

2010-10-28T21:05:00.004+08:00

Only a poem is worth my 200th post. It is a veh significant thing.

pen in my hand,

heart on my sleeve

your love's not forgotten

in you I believe

hold me close

you'll be safe

now is all that matters.

Who shot that arrow in your throat?

2010-10-26T20:36:00.002+08:00

Gloria, we lied.
We can't go on.

I think it's pretty cool how hydrogen is the only element that can lose ALL it's electrons to form an ion cause it only has one. It's special. Haha. Am I the only one amazed by this? Haha.

The devil's language 'tis lust.

2010-10-26T18:19:00.003+08:00

The math paper today bored me to boredom. Haha. But seriously, I was bored. I took an hour or so to do the whole paper and spent so long checking my work. Of course, I made careless mistakes what with my inability to think clearly after 18(?) math problems and the insane boredom. Yes. I was bored. And OH EM GEE! The invigilators do not know how to dress. it was really bad. Okay not all. One lady has looked really good all the times I've seen her invigilate (3 times so far, 2 days.) JUST ONE OUT OF A 2419y517275357160561 WOMEN, JUST ONE LOKED DECENT. All the men, I can't comment lah. They all had on shirts and trousers and black shoes. So obviously they were presentable. Haha. I am feeling so mehh now. I should go take a shower, have dinner and memorise lit quotes. Ta!

Now that I've found you (again), I won't ever leave!

2010-10-25T22:28:00.002+08:00

Haha. I am really happy. Happier than I've been in a while and it's because my life-changing exams are finally here and soon they will be over. It also doesn't hurt that the first paper was pretty good, or at least for me anyway. And I'm looking forward to my math paper tomorrow. I'm gonna have fun. & if you think I'm crazy, well clearly you just started reading my blog. I LOVE MATH! It's my favourite subject. Some people struggle with it but I'm lucky enough to just get it. I did suck before but after hard work, it was like a whole new world opened up to me and solving sums became a fascinating process. Omg, I am a total nerd/dork. Haha. Oh well.

Tumblr never fails to make me laugh. I look crazy laughing at the computer screen but seriously, the pictures and memes are FUNNY!

OH! OH! AND SKRILLEX IS AN AWESOME ... musician? IDK what he's called but I LOVE HIS NEW EP! It's really good. I can't get With You Friends out of my head and the songs are durtayy! My subs are blown. Haha.

I hope that made sense. You can tell the extent of my happiness now can't you since I'm rambling and giddy with laughter. ahahahahaha.

OMG! I AM BACK! HAHAHA.

2010-10-24T23:23:00.002+08:00

I can't believe I forgot about this! I haven't blogged on this in over a year! My last post was on the 8th of July if you couldn't tell. Haha. I read all my past posts and feel like I've missed the way I've been. Though it's not like I'm an entirely different person now. I think I've grown up a bit (fortunately/ unfortunately?) haha.

Major MAJOR exams tomorrow. I'm psyched and nervous and realy, really worried at the same time. I shouldn't be sleeping this late but it's an English paper and in the afternoon so what the hell.

I love my old poems. Haha. Like omg, they weren't bad at all! Even if I do say so myself. I do notice that while I'm typing, I still have my annoying 'Haha' habit. Though I'm sure you've realised that by now. haha. Lol. ahaha. Omg, that was like a triple 'haha'. No, i'm not gonna do it here, but I am laughing irl.

I sound psycho. Maybe I am?

"I can feel my mind wandering again

And to where I don't know

Will I ever get home?"

Whazzup?

2009-07-08T18:23:00.003+08:00

Hey Y'all.

I'm switching to LJ.
I don't know if it's temporary or long-term.
I'll definitely be keeping this one.
So link me, if you want.
Just so y'all know:)

Lots of Love, Qis:)

for the link, click on the 'LJ' in the message:)

Get Over It

2009-07-07T17:05:00.002+08:00

He's long gone.
He's left.
He's never coming back.
I've got to move on.
But this crush is hard to break.
6years wasted just waiting for him to come around.
Oh God, make this better.
Send me a sign.
He said he would.
He said he could.
And I'm the fool who waited and wasted time.
Oh God, make this better.
Send me a sign.
Baby bounce back to me.
Come back to me.
Come on and feel me.
Just come round,
See me,
Call me.
I'm desperate.
Oh God, make this better.
I can't wait forever.

Send me a sign, baby, Send me a sign.

FOMO, Your Phone!

2009-07-07T16:30:00.002+08:00

Haha, Danial singing Good Girls Go Bad is cute. Too bad everyone knows it. I don't like it when people become such posers when a new song comes out and they're all like "OMFG, ___(insert musician's name here)___ song, ___(insert song title here)___ is so friggin cool." "I fcken love 'em" when in actual fact you don't give a sh*t about the artiste. It's all bullsh*t, seriously.

I still feel crappy, thus the cuss words here. Argh. My TOTM's over so I don't get why I still feel like this. garh.

One Of Those Nights ft Patrick Stump and Brendon Urie

2009-07-06T23:35:00.003+08:00

Wow. I mean, I've heard of them and I've been obsessed with FBR bands but nothing has got me obsessed like The Cab. Their music is interesting. He has such a cute voice! Just like The Scene Aesthetic but Alex can do the whole deal. I'm not sure if Eric and Andrew can break away from the acoustic but i don't want them to. Staying up late blogging is Risky Business (haha.)

So Peace Outt Y'all.

"you can't feel,

if you don't let yourself go.

bu if it's all the same to you,

being cold is human sometimes,

just not humane."

Oh, It Is Love.

2009-07-05T11:23:00.004+08:00

I can't post HelloGoodbye lyrics here but their songs are so sweet.

One of the things i'd like in this world is for someone to sing one of their songs to me, and they better sing it well! haha.

Oh, It Is Love,
From the first time I set my eyes upon yours
Thinking oh, it is love.

CUTE RIGHT! OMG I'M SWOONING OVER SONG LYRICS:(

Watching Imagination Movers on PlayHouse Disney. It's damn funny seeing them Rap bout toothbrushes.

Kay, I gotta do geog.
PAIX!

PWTs PWN.

2009-07-05T08:38:00.002+08:00

Post 189-Haiku, it's what I'm good at

2009-07-05T00:06:00.002+08:00

Words are all they are
But these words help express 'Me'
That's all they may be

words are worth billions
words mean more than a lifetime
Words are what they are

baby, come back to me.

2009-07-04T23:51:00.003+08:00

I remember,
it was quite a while ago.
How I met you.
It was after class,
We whiled around a little.
We talked,
Oh how we talked.
Harry Potter
and Football
and Math.
I still remember.
I remember walking
through heavy rain
To get to shelter
But it was never cold
cause I always felt your warmth
We didn't have much in common
but I liked you all the same.
Gosh, you knew how much I liked you,
didn't you?
Then, you left
and didn't say when you were coming back.
I don't know if you ever will.
I want to see you again.
To feel that warmth
and embrace it.
I want to love you.
I want you to want me too.
So baby, come back.

Pressure Cooker

2009-07-04T23:25:00.002+08:00

I can't sleep.

Lead heavy eyelids,
so tired and lacking sleep,
something's very wrong

He will always be my sunkissed trampoline:)

2009-07-03T18:09:00.005+08:00

Fireflies in the night
Balance of light in darkness
They shine through love's light

Under the bright moon,
I contemplate life's meaning
The picture's unclear

Though I see one thing
I see you in the valley
I see you suff'ring

I do not like you
Only because I love you
I am only yours

If you would let me
I'd really like to save you
To save you from me

Truly, if you do
love me true then leave me here
I shan't forget you

Blue skies overhead
I pen love letters to you
B-other, I love you

Coconut Cream and Coffee Coloured Thighs

2009-07-03T17:30:00.002+08:00

I sit in a large boat
The boat travels to a great many places.
Sometimes it bobs around
on still waters.
I feel at peace.
Other times, it rocks
in violent seas.
Then I get seasick.
C'est la vie.

IONIC EQUATIONS ARE COOLER THAN YOUR GRANDMOTHER:)

2009-07-03T16:14:00.002+08:00

Chemistry is fun.
Especially lab period
Acids and alkalis
Salts of all sorts
Test-tubes and what nots
Precipitation
Evaporation
Effervescence observed
Litmus
Universal indicator
I could list more and more
but you get my point.
Chemistry is fun.

Life's little mysteries.

2009-07-03T16:04:00.002+08:00

I am in no mood to blog. My back hurts and I hate this month. In more recent news though, I've got my first leadershsip role:) I forgot all about madrasah. oww my back! off to do hw then disturb Ryan some more!

I'm Mitchel MussObsessed.

2009-06-25T10:43:00.002+08:00

From today onwards, I wanna tweet (haha) so I can cyber stalk him. HAHA. No lah, not stalk. Just read about his day? If or when I go into acting and become famous (maybe) I'm still keeping my blog.

Seriously, MY BLOG IS MY BABY. Even when I can't update, I'm thinking about how BAD I want to.

But enough about me. Back to MM. He's damn cute lah! I can't stand it. I hate being such a fan girl. I probably can't have him anyway. But a girl can dream, can't she?

I haven't got a picture of him on this com so next post will definitely be just his pic.

Grateful.

2009-06-10T10:22:00.002+08:00

I lay awake thinking of you.
Of how we were.
Of how we were all wrong for each other.

I couldn't sleep.
I knew what I had to do.
I knew that I had to break it off with you.

And that's what I set off to do.
I broke things off with you.
I went to bed.

Sleep came.
It washed over me.
My heart resisted little.

It's all over now.

Yup, my pathetic 5 day relationship is over. I'm sorry if I didn't tell you (esp Nisha and Nicolette and Kylie). I broke up with him.

KonFuZian (not the chinese philosopher.)

2009-05-30T21:53:00.002+08:00

It's just confusion. I mean serious confusion. I don't know how to manage my emotions.

I am trying to find truth, see myself in my remarks because Teachers either LIE OR they COPY AND PASTE (which is almost equivalent to LYING) SO I should edit that to be:

Because Teachers always seem to lie in the remarks.

Here's what I got: Qistina is an active student with a cheerful disposition. She relates well to people at different levels; both peers and teachers (haha?). Her pleasant (i'm only pleasant? :( ) personality and good sense of humour are her winning ways.

Active? You say I'm active? You obviously haven't noticed how I seem to nod off during math or how I'm always sleepy before (and after) recess, hahahahahahahahahahalosershahahahahahaha, and um, by good humour, do you mean that I'm always laughing at the lame jokes people tell or
that I always crack lame jokes that people DONT laugh at? How do I relate well to people? Last time I checked, nobody came running to me with their problems... They can trust me and I guess, I can actually relate well to people. I mean if you've actually read my blog, you should know about the ABCDEFGkIJhLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ incident last year. I helped her out of it. Out of A&A. I don't know why I always feel left out. It's my fault. Because I feel left out, I detach and alienate myself from things. This is like experiencing Brecht first hand, Verfremdungseffekt indeed.

I want to finish reading The Odyssey. I found it in the school library but it's a reference book so I can't check it out. But I can always finish it when school reopens. I type a lot. I talk less now. But I type A LOT. bold, underlined, italicized.

Motorcycles and taxis, Retreat and Idris.

2009-05-14T14:46:00.003+08:00

Today, i was pissed off in the morning but now I'm happy, I was smiling.

Motorcycles and taxis
Why was I pissed off? Cause I was crossing the street (I DONT JAY) and I was walking slowly cause I was very tired, then the green man started to flash and then this motorbike cut in front of me and then a couple taxi honked so I walked faster and mind you, the green man was still flashing so technically it was my right of way and they were supposed to GIVE ME WAY! assholes.

Retreat
Then there was retreat and I teared twice but not full on crying like last year and the year before that... But It was just tearing. LIANA WAS SABOED by Father Simon and that was damn funny haha! I could get abs watching that again. Too bad I didn't have my phone. But I sang and didn't really talk much and by talk I mean share, cause I didn't have a partner seeing as how we were odd numbers. yupp. Then I went home. Walked to the MRT station w Lin Ying and then Ms Puja came up to me to talk about goodbye.

Idris
Then I was alone in the train. But not the whole way cause then I saw Idris and then he came by to talk to me. haha. It was nice to talk to someone after not talking for almost a whole day. SO he was like 'Can I join you?' cause the seat beside me was empty so I was like 'Yeah, sure no problem' Then we just started talking. The conversation starter,"So how are you?" I was laughing cause of thoughts of retreat you know, sharing. So I was like 'Fine. You?'

I: Okay. Mid-years uh?
Q:Oh, no. Mine are over. Today was retreat.
I:What's that? (you can imagine serious curiosity)
Q: Oh just sharing, problems, feelings, stuff like that. You don't have mid-years right? (I was applying contextual knowledge cause Ryan and I talk about it.)
I: Nope. We have common tests up till the end of term but we do have end of years.
Q: Oh. Post-exam activities are annoying. I've got lessons as a PEA.
I: (he laughed) I think I don't like about my school is that we have common tests till the end of term while you all have mid-years (and something else) and when you all finish end of years, we just start.
Q: (Obviously I laughed) Then I was like, OH you know yesterday I had malay oral. It was horrible. (I was thinking I had malay oral and you were talking to me in malay the other time.. haha)
I: Too bad your malay oral wasn't tomorrow or I'd be talking to you in malay.
Both of us laughed.

Course We talked quite a lot but it was superficial stuff cause obviously I wasn't going to delve into the deep with someone whom I've only started talking to last year eventhough he is my cousin's cousin (on the mother's side but i'm on the father's side so we aren't exactly related.)

We also talked about some people we knew, mutually. Haha, that was funny. I was laughing a lot.
I asked him about the people I knew in his school, he asked about Ashley. (He knows all the sec3 RI guys I know, but he didn't know ______. Three guesses who ________ is.)

Then he got off. But I was thinking about our conversation and I was smiling. Hey, like I said, it was nice to talk to someone even if it was just superficial conversation. It almost got deep, but I didn't want it to be like that. On the train. haha.

Lets take it back before it all went wrong

2009-05-08T13:41:00.002+08:00

I cried today. In front of everyone. I am damn pissed. It isn't fair that he lets Nurul do what she wants, gets what she wants and get mediocre results but I can't do anything. I'm gonna read the chocolate affair since all I have left is AMath. I think I'm gonna go all quiet after this. I'll definitely talk less. I'm already starting too but that's partially because i expect people to talk to me but they dont so I don't talk and also because I still feel detached from everyone else. I don't know if they know or even care cause I'll keep feeling like a loser/loner until some one 'shows the faintest symptoms' of wanting to talk to me/being interested in what I say. I miss Nisha. But then she'd probably tell me something with that voice and make me feel dumb and I'll probably feel worse. I really want to cry. Everyone's got plans for after exams and obviously, I haven't been invited to any. I'm gonna make this post damn long so people get turned off by the words and won't bother reading this. I don't know how long I cried when I was on the way home, when I got home, when I was sitting on my bed feeling lousy. This isn't my totm cause I had it 2 weeks ago. So now let me emo over the sad state of my lonely and quiet life.

I'm damn dumb cause i lent my calculators to Manprit and I've got tuition tmr and forgot to take it back. damn.

I wake up,

2009-05-05T16:48:00.003+08:00

I took a nice long shower today:) Washed my hair (with conditioner) and my face (haha after like 9h?). Was thinking of Blackhole and Brother during the physics paper cause both their names were Ryan. haha. I haven't blogged in forever. Mr Chan wants us to check facebook everyday in case of an urgent notice or something.

It's been what 5/6 months and I seriously miss you lah. We're getting S(can't spell her name) back and now that you know(if you ever read this of course), I hope you come back :)

Anw, the math paper was bleahh and exhausting. I expected it to be either a tad easier or challenging perhaps? I had 45mins left and I was done so I double checked and then stoned for the last 15mins.Yeah. Thenwent down and I hugged people in the canteen. Talked to Laksa and Lizzie(anakin!) haha. It was damn annoying cause Laksa was laughing at me lah. But it's okay cause I'm not as dumb as she thinks I am. HAHA!

Because Math was exhausting, my brain, super tired, couldn't concentrate properly on Physics and so I made tons and buns of mistakes which I had 45mins to correct thankfully. I don't know how many times I checked the damn paper so if I fail physics I'll blame whoever set the timetable.

So um anw, I'll be wasting my life for the geog paper and it's only 45mins. Yeah. AND(!) It's the only paper I have tmr -.- So I guess it's a macs breakfast and chionging chem lorh.I shall bring chem to school and bring home my ss that's been in my locker since our lockers have to be cleared for june hols anyway.

Speaking of which, London is cancelled and I am damn sad. So I hope Ryan still wants a gathering so that I have something to look forward to. But till then, I'll be more miserable than I'll appear to be :)

I DONT WANT RETREAT! And I hope they don't close down the schools or I'll be damn bored at home :( I already have a MONTH of boredom scheduled in 3weeks and 5 days. Huzzah! (note the unenthusiastic tone)

Happy Birthday Dear Danial :)

2009-04-30T12:44:00.002+08:00

Am at home and I finally got vanilla. I want vanilla beans :( I shall go hunt for a high class cold storage somewhere. Like vines we intertwined, carelessly growing up.

2009-04-29T19:11:00.003+08:00

A love poem( a very sexed up love poem). Yes we're all horny ___

Baby, you burn within me.
I can feel you crawlin',
crawlin' all over under my skin.
I've tasted your love on a pretty platter
(it tasted heavenly)
I've felt your love on my davenport
(baby, you make me hot)
You thrill, you tease,
Baby, you put me at ease
I've tasted your love on a pretty platter
(it tasted heavenly)
I've felt your love on my davenport
(baby, you make me hot)
Baby, baby, you make me hot.

I'm the hunter, you're the monkey.

2009-04-26T14:24:00.002+08:00

I am actually looking forward to the exams. I wanna see how the standard of our exams are and I wanna know how I'll do. Of course, Math should be GREAT :) I love math lah. I also can't wait for the exams to come because it means that I'm ever so close to London. OMG! AND SHOPPING with the 3/3 DEP girls:)) (with the exeption of Sarah Toh. Not thtat she's not a girl, just that she doesn't really shop- more of pick what she needs and pays and then waits for us to be done. haha. We'd take forever bu for her benefit I shall rush :) ) God I'm hungry. I honestly wonder why i'M SO HUNGRY. AIYAH. I'll just go bake a prata. hnmmm. k then bye:)

2009-04-19T17:21:00.002+08:00

I am in an FBR band phase and I love VersaEmerge and The Hush Sound and everyone else. I've heard a couple of super good songs that are really old, haha. If only I knew the titles.

I so recommend Honey-The Hush Sound, Past Praying For- VersaEmerge, The Exit- Forgive Durden + Brendon Urie & Dan Young, Defying Gravity-Idina Menzel+Kristin C. (can't spell her last name, haha). Yeah.

2009-04-17T18:50:00.002+08:00

During lit we were discussing assimilationism and identity.

"Mr Asagai, I would very much like to talk to you. About Africa. You see, I am looking for my identity!"

If your identity defines you, then what exactly defines 'Identity'? Is it your race? your background? where you're from? your religion? Cause if religion was a big one then the atheists wouldn't have an identity.

If you find your identity, then can you ever fit in? Or do you not want to? Isn't it impossible to not be an 'assimilationist' because no one likes to be 'different'. But I think that's what everyone sees. I mean, the way the western world works sees the cultures of the east as exotic and most time it's not a compliment. Does this mean you shouldn't be proud of your heritage?

I admit that I have lost my roots in a way because I can't speak my mother tongue well but I know how to wear my traditional costume, I can talk about food. I can even talk about musical instruments and traditional games but I am rather detached from people of my own ethnicity. Other than my family and a couple of Malay friends, I don't know anyone else who is malay and I look down on my people.

It's just something I had to talk about. The whole world's confused yet no one really admits it.

Defying Gravity.

2009-04-16T19:17:00.002+08:00

I SHALL PASS PHYSICS BECAUSE I L JOULES!

I SHALL PASS MATH BECAUSE PASCAL IS MY TBF!

ishallneverforgetbecauseyoubrokemyheartzyd.

Stupid Loser is still trying to ask me out. Please lah. I don't like you. What kind of a playboy gets the girls looking like that?

I want my iPod!

2009-04-11T22:41:00.002+08:00

I miss brother very much that I can't stop picturing his face in my head. This is so very weird seeing as how he's supposed to be my BROTHER. I think it could be my dilemma about the whole ACJC vs RIJC. hmmm. It should be. must text him later. remind me. ANW, we still have good person to do for DEP and i missed discussion. damn.

I thought you should know.

2009-04-10T12:13:00.002+08:00

Last night, went t watch The Odyssey w Nisha and Ari. It was major awesome.

I would describe the play for you but it would spoil things for Saira who's gonna watch it tomorrow.

It was a perfect mix of music, dance and drama. The music and dance helped create atmosphere and the movement was perfectly choreographed. Then there was drumming for transitions and atmosphere also. After that, I understood what Gary Tang meant.

Also after that, I'm torn between ACJC+DEP and RJ+Brother. hmm...

WELCOME TO PARIS!

2009-04-09T17:50:00.001+08:00

I HEART PARIS HILTON LAH. Her songs are damn hot. haha. Seriously.

There doesn't seem to be anyone around.

2009-04-03T16:54:00.003+08:00

I have just finished reading Shug. It's complete chick lit and of course I love it. I haven't cried over a book in so long. haha. I can so totally feel for Annemarie cause in some ways I can relate. The way she describes how she feels about Mark and everything. Then Jack is such an A-hole but he's super sweet. He did it for Annemarie. It's so cute. wish a boy would do that for me. haha, don't all the girls (who aren't privileged enough to be noticeably pretty and have boys buzzing around them cause them boys know the girl's sweeter than honey)

"She just sits and wills the tears to come,
to spill over and flow down her cheeks,
because she happy and sad and dizzy and so sure
that he was hers and hoped it wouldn't stop.
She liked how it felt."

What is this feeling so sudden and new?

2009-04-02T14:20:00.003+08:00

Listening to OST of Wicked (Original Broadway Cast Recording) And it's not so bad but I don't really like it. Maybe after we watch the musical in London, I'll like it better. Some of the songs are actually catchy but, a bit shrill. I'm sorry but I'm biased when it comes to sopranos. Wicked sounds like a very girly kind of musical. So i'm back to my Phantom Of The Opera baby. I'm going to help Hani with math tmr. Looking forward to it. haha. If she wants to pay me 9though she don't have to) she can buy me lunch cause I'm broke. as always. haha.